Walmart Wolverine Blames DUI on Michigan State's Beatdown of Michigan

  • Michael Briggs , Design & Trend Staff Writer
  • Nov, 12, 2013, 03:22 PM

In what has to be the worst representation of fans proudly sporting their team colors, a Michigan man feeling blue after U of M's 29-6 battering to rival Michigan State on Nov. 3 was discovered by Dearborn police unconscious in his vehicle, drunk and covered in his own urine.

After he was arrested, the presumed Walmart Wolverine told police that he was forced to drink himself to a stupor.

"While he was being booked, he said he drank so much because he was upset that the University of Michigan's football team lost 29-6 at Michigan State University the day before. He said he also was upset with the play-calling of Offensive Coordinator Al Borges, whose Wolverines rushed for a negative-48 yards, the worst ground performance since the school started playing football in 1879."

The man blew a 0.24 BAC, which is above Michigan's "0.17 percent super-drunk law."

You can't make this stuff up.

The Wolverines went on to lose their next game at home to the University of Nebraska, racking up a pitiful performance on the ground with minus 21 rushing yards. Someone please revoke this man's license for the rest of the season.

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